Upon awakening
by JapanCat
Summary: A conversation between Hiei and Mukuro following Hiei's fight with Shigure. Sorry, no witty parody of a summary here.


**Upon Awakening (Or the more humorous title: Hiei gets Pwned at the End**

**Disclaimer: So, I really think these are lame. I would make this an episode or a chapter in the manga if I were really Togashi. So no, fanfiction, I do NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho.**

**//...Okay this has been bugging me for a while. Like what happened when Hiei woke up? Seriously! ...Oh and the last line, I always thought it was about the world or knowledge or something... Yeah, I read the manga and found out it was the complete opposite... Or not. I dunno. The world sure is interesting... And so I noticed all you Mukuro lovers out there haven't been writing. Actually you don't have to like her to enjoy this. Actually Hiei's kind of abusive here but Mukuro says some ugly stuff.... I dunno what I was thinking when I wrote some of this... I don't think this is one of my better works though. But that';s for you as the reader to decide. Anyway, I'll let the three of you who bother to read these to get on with it.... (-JapanCat)**

When Hiei woke up from a series of nightmares, the first thing he saw was Mukuro standing over him, face covered by bandages once again. He couldn't help but imagine some cheesy grin crossing her face. (Though the only evidence he could base this off of was the one blue eye staring at him.)

"So you've had a pleasant rest?" Mukuro asked somewhat mockingly. At this point, however, he started to assume that she was mocking him about eighty percent of the time anyway. He couldn't remember a time in which she talked to him a strictly professional manner.

So he went to the conversation;'s throat. "You! What'd you do to me?"

"Well, you're pretty direct. I like your no-nonsense attitude. Wish I could be more like that more often."

"And unfortunately you'll never do it. Answer me."

"Isn't it obvious? Actually it makes sense that you don't remember right away. Most people don't remember events that led to the accident until at least a week following their awakening. Though I'm kind of worrying about Shigure. He got a wound in the head... And I think that's what it usually is. I don't do this too often, you know? Less than five times this past century..."

"Yeah and I think you could fill a thousand page novel just about a guy who turns a door knob."

"And you also get annoyed faster than a nerve impulse goes down an axon. By the way, disregard how I know how fast that is. It just happened. And long story short you had a duel with Shigure, you both died and I brought you back to life. Any questions before I send you back?"

"Why?"

"Because you need to train to get stronger. Do you really have to ask?"

"Bringing me back to life-" He was one step away from calling her an idiot. Somehow it didn't seem right at the time. Suddenly another thought occurred to him and he felt the blood rush to his face. "And you're a woman. Don't tell me that... Ugh."

"You could probably glow in the dark if I put you in a closet. It's not something you haven't seen a thousand times in a movie anyway. I've been told that they've slowly become more pornographic."

"I don't know what kind of movies you're thinking of but I don't watch them and I wouldn't even think of coming near them if I watched movies in the first place."

"Well, congratulations, you've met new territory."

"Oh screw you."

"I did promise to show you what my face looked like like I said."

"I wanted to see your face not every inch of you."

"Well, that's not my problem. It's yours. ...Now that you're awake it looks like you're going to have to do part two of your training since you were only sent five hundred demons..."

"...So how much did you ask for? It's kind of hard to screw something like that up that much. Unless you're stupid in choosing assistants or whatever it is, too."

"Well, I did say five hundred to be perfectly honestly but he still should have known a thousand..."

"A thousand and you said- What's wrong with you?! Do you tell someone to run half a mile with the expectation of them running a whole mile or do you tell someone you'll have them work one shift with the intention of making them work two?!"

"I have no power over the second one now... And why would you ask someone to run half a mile in the first place? That's so incomplete."

"And do you go somewhere and take one shoe expecting the other to come with it without your asking?"

"...Okay, why would you take one shoe to get purchased when they come in boxes with both. That's just making it harder than it needs to be if you're doing that. Or you're overly demanding. I don't think logic's quite your field."

"Well, you're obviously not a logicologist yourself."

"I don't think that's the word for it."

"Do you tell someone to get something done in half and hour expecting them to be done in a full hour?"

"Now that's different. That's time and it's also faithless. But it's to be expected that he sends a thousand because he obviously knew what I meant."

"And it's also stupid."

"Yes, you've made your point on the subject perfectly clear. Now then, as I told you before you need to gain more strength. You have a lot of potential. Unless you have any further questions for me, we'll get down to business."

"What is the meaning of life?"

"Don't be smart with me. Forty-two."

"Weren't you the person who wanted the Fiver Year Plan done in two years?"

"No, that was Yomi. And his was the Ten Year Plan. I try to be sincere about what I sat. I don't tell a country they have the best wheat fields I've ever seen and then go bomb them. That's something HE would do. Actually Raizen's the same as I am which is why I prefer him to Yomi. Raizen's stubborn as hell but at least he's honest with us. Yomi's known for his great industry but it's only because he makes ridiculous orders like the Ten Year Plan. I make plans but I tell you the date in the name."

"Except when it requires a certain number of people apparently. By the way, if you're into ethics, that whole thing makes me question how you sleep at night."

"They're all convicts that were going to be executed anyway. Though I did promise them their freedom if they defeated you."

"Which you never granted them."

"I think you're just trying to dig up a bunch of flaws in me. And I did grant them pardons when they defeated you. By the way when I had to have you dragged out like that, it was the saddest thing I ever saw."

"Go cry into your coffee."

"...Have you ever been in the arm? You seem like someone who's been in the military."

"You would probably refer to me by rank if I were. Don't get any ideas."

"I wouldn't trust you in the army. You have the potential to do well but I have a feeling you'd kill the commander. And you also look kind of like a guy who doesn't know his right from his left and that'll cause major issues... That being said I think it's time you go back to your training."

"So if a general gets shot in the leg do you tell him to go back into battles after the bullet wound's been patched up?"

"There's several things wrong with that statement. A general wouldn't het shot in the leg if it was an assassination attempt or something like that. That's one terrible assassin if that were true. Generals also don't participate in battle that often. They usually just stay in the back and observe. You never got shot in the leg. You were never really patched up and the damage you took is fully healed. You've had plenty of time to rest but you just that you weren't conscious- or entirely conscious I should say- to experience that rest. If I give you anymore time to do so with full consciousness we'll just be killing time that we don't have."

"The only thing I have to do is die."

"So now we're going down that road. And that's not entirely true because if I really wanted to I could just put a chip on you to..."

"That's just screwed up. How do you even do that."

"Well it was actually designed to work on untrainable pets but they tested it on 'higher minds' and it works just as well. You'd be surprised the things modern medicine in this state's been advancing. Yomi may have his industry but we know the possibilities the body can hold. Come to think of it, I think Raizen's agriculture's the best. So I've heard Ironic."

Disregarding the final two completely off topic comments, Hiei was trying to repress images of Dr. Ichigaki from his mind.

"But..." she continued. "But... That's juts going to extremes. So what you're telling me is that I was mistaken for taking you in and these six months not only been a waste of your time and mine but also the time of the government and the taxpayer's money as well?"

"Yes! Wait, no! Wait, yes... Scratch that, no!"

"Well, that was enlightening."

"One more thing, when you said 'I can show you everything,' you were referring to knowledge, right?" No answer. "Right?!"

**...And that's all?**


End file.
